Nothing can make it better

Nothing can make it better. It being your heart. Sometimes, when you jump into the abyss of depression or when you fall into it thinking an action you are about to make will yeild you some sorta satisfaction, nothing can revert the action of the dip.

Sure thing, you googled uplifting quotes, watched that funny clips of your favourite series, liked some pictures that made you think “fucking relatable, I’m gonna just like it and take a screenshot”. You did it. Worked? Feeling better? No.

All you wanna do is swallow that word you are about to spit with a lump in the throat not letting you to speak and be quiet. You hold back your gallon of tears that are about to follow just by letting one drop fall. You think you will smile and talk to the people who don’t have any darn idea your smile is actually a cloak for your depression. Your tears that are pushing the doors to just come out. You place your smile against the door, guarding it so well that it doesn’t open.

Your shields are up and you are sinking in self-pity. Mulling over reasons what do you deserve in life surely doesn’t make it better.

Wallowing in psuedo motivated mode, trying to brush off everything happened that pulled you deep into the abyss, getting up, dusting the depression off the shoulder. You think it was better enough? No.

You want to imprison yourself inside your mind of catastrophic thoughts and claustrophobic room. Was it a relief? No.

Nothing can make it better.

Only time can. Fucking time can. So easy to say right?

But in the end, you will be better. Your heart will be better.

You just gotta give it a tad bit time and a teeny ray of hope to shine inside that abyss you are living in.

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~ Shruthi Jothsana ~

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